But that feeling only lasts so long. Somehow you get ripped from that momentum. You were on a perfect path and plan for what and who you wanted to be and something threw you down and told you 'you can't pass'. You want to pass... but you just can't get back up.
This week started at the end of my fabulous weekend. Problems seemed to ebb and flow as they always will but suddenly my ability to shake them became incredibly strong. Problems? What problems? ... Fuck the problems... because I decided I am going to be happy!!
Everyday this week I have excelled at finding my happiness. Yeah... there are moments when I feel totally worn down and depressed, but I'm able to burn off those feelings. I don't know how long this ability will last. I think a huge part of it has been going to the gym everyday. Its hard to find the energy to go after a long workday... but it's so good for me.
I feel so driven toward my goals. So compelled to be better, do better, and find better! So I run at least two miles... bike, lift weights, and swim too. I wish I could see the weight pouring off me like it did when I first started. I should be just so proud of the 40 I have lost thus far and I am... but I want more. So, fortunately, my fabulous new roommate and I have taken to the gym. We have decided to go Monday-Thursday and Saturday. I wake up every morning and my legs ache because I ran farther and faster than the day before... and I love the pain. Its like in the movie G.I. Jane where Master Chief says to Jordan, "Pain is your friend, your ally, it will tell you when you are seriously injured, it will keep you awake and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain? It lets you know you're not dead yet!"
I'm in pain... and I'm happy. I'm dancing and living and loving my life. We only get to do it once right? Dear god I hope this fleeting moment of determination lasts a lifetime. How do you stay on course? How do you stay focused?