A few weeks ago I was in a place where I would have done anything just to pause. I wanted stay as happy and as at peace as I was... for as long as possible. The truth is, it probably would have been a combination of the rewind button followed by play... over and over until that week never left my mind. It was the perfect sense of having absolutely everything I needed and wanted at the given time. Today... I'd probably want more from those moments, but in the moment, it was... perfection.
At present, my work has me so insanely busy, I feel like I've forfeited all sense of life. I guess the truth is, I can't say that. Time hasn't really chosen to speed past me in some manipulative torture, it's probably more that I spend so much of my day with my eyes tucked into a computer screen that I forget to live. I don't know what I'm waiting for the computer or this computer apparition to do. True, I spend some time doing actual work. But mainly I sit here waiting, fidgeting, fulling the time...
So, what the hell am I waiting for, who am I waiting for? What miraculous person is going to jump out of my computer screen and fulfill all the want I am feeling? I don't even know that one person has that strength anymore. A sense of confusion has washed over me. I lost the understanding of myself I thought I once had. So today... I'm really looking to fast-forward. These files piling around my desk would all be processed. I'd be a few days closer to a year from now, where hopefully my life's current troubled waters will have calmed, where all the fulfillment I look to my computer illusion to fill... will be filled by a reality.
So where can I buy my remote? Or maybe I just need to learn to be happy in my present and have patience... HA! LOL... don't people spend there entire lives looking for that in the moment happiness? Seriously... I'll take the remote now. :P Hell, I'll even get up and control it if someone shows me the where the control board is!