I am so filled with hate. I hate my ex. I hate that I said yes. I hate that all the times I tried to say we need to cancel the wedding he ignored me and told me I was just scared. I hate that when my father came over and told him he was making a mistake by not cancelling I didn't chime in with my father. I hate myself for letting it all happen.
I want to erase this all from my life. Erase spending $30,000 on a wedding that was a mistake. I can't wait until the day I wake up from this moment and stop regretting. I believe life is a series of events, some you like, some you do not. But you shouldn't regret. Even when you don't like something that happened... it teaches you something. I just want to be happy I learned.
But I'm hating my lesson and hating him even more. I chose to seperate because not wanting to sleep with my own husband seems like a really huge problem to me. I'm trying to do right and figure me out, and this mess I've created. What a HUGE mess!
All the bastard can do is tell me how I'm making his life hell by not staying up his ass now that we're seperated and how he needs me back. You don't need to be married to someone that didn't want to marry you. Why is this complicated? Right now... I just want to know when... when will I stop regretting I ever met him? When?