Thursday, September 10, 2009

Raining... Men?

So I seem to have stepped into some fucked up alternate universe where there are a ton of men. Everywhere I turn there are new ones. Hot ones too!! ... And they want me... what kind of bullshit propaganda is that?

You're probably asking yourself how in sam-hell I could be bitching about this!?! Well... let me tell you, I am not a juggler! In no part of my life have I ever been good at handling multiples. I can handle two guys... thats easy. But this... this is too many! I'm in a state of shock.

I'm out there on a dating site or two... but nothing too extreme. Its not like I'm plastered on every site out there. This weekend I tried to relax and enjoy myself... or at least that was the goal. I ended up meeting with a couple of guys I had met before. The first encounter of which was insanely hot.

We spent the past few months remembering and romanticizing about the first time we were together. The sex was incredible and steamy. He fell upon me as we watched a movie pleading with me that my tits had just pushed his limit way too far. We spent the next hour slamming eachother in one form or another against my new suede couch. In normal instances I would have begged any living creature just to get the hell away from my new couch... but by the sixth incredible, mind-blowing orgasm I could hardly place more coherent words than 'holy fuck', let alone a complete sentence! My thighs ached from riding him, we were both covered in sweat and yet neither one of us could stand the thought of stopping for a chance to breathe! Somehow we found our way to floor and onto hands and knees for another hour. It was loud and sticky - exactly how every damn sexual experience should be.

But we fight... this guy and I. He screws with my head and twists me into doing exactly what he wants me to do. Everytime I end up feeling like a 6 year-old at a softball game that was just forced to forfeit because little Jenny was out sick. I swear to god... its not my fault. I lose all sense of reality. And for this he is extremely unhealthy for me.

...But after a few months of the back-and-forth and with his ass finally being in town... I said I wanted to see him through grit-teeth. He was here within 15 minutes. Nevermind the fact I was already driving down the road to pick up my roommate from work. I turned around. I walked the three flights of stairs up to my apartment and as I met his eyes we both knew clothes were coming off. Pressed against the fridge, the walls, and finally slammed onto my bed. "I told you I could do it in ten minutes," he gleamed down at me just after we both orgasmed. It was intense sex... with him reminding me every few minutes. "Are you still mad?"... " do you still want to fight?"... "is this what you wanted?" I shut out his taunts and focused on his hot body slamming against me... until he had me begging, screaming, pleading, and wanting more! How could I let him turn me inside out like that?

This was just one of four this weekend. I feel I've reached some sort of ultimate slut-hood. What the fuck am I thinking? After him I am sent into a mad sprawl of my sexual addiction. He has clearly triggered something viscious and sick inside of me that I had been trying so desperately to close off. ... but the sex, fuck, the sex is so hot!
... And I say again... I don't want to see him again!! Until next time I turn into a fucking pretzel.

On Sunday I received approximately 10 new emails. That is 10 new men on top of the old ones that haven't let me go, yet. I am messed up, my head is obviously not screwed on in any proper fashion. I feel myself flown into a mad dash to pick up the thousand marbles just tossed my direction on a hard concrete floor. I feel I can't let one pass by... because it could be the one. The one to walk right, talk right, fuck right, and love right. I seriously doubt I will find it in this bullshit computer world, but for now I will scramble to pick up the balls. I'm weeding through the emails... talking with some on the phone and on chat... I've even met one already, with three more dates lined up.

I'm still holding out. Because in the back of my mind is my soldier and he pushes to the front more often than not. I cling to my phone like it is my eternal salvation because he could call. I cling to anything to connect these two individuals that are worlds apart. In a sea of men... I look for the one. But since it seems to be raining men, does it have to fucking pour? Can I get a soft drizzle? Or just bring my one home...


  1. When you know something isn't right, and you know how to fix it[by not doing it], why can't we fix it?.. this is something I have been trying to figure out.. let me know if you do.. I don't like being powerless! :)

    btw.. amazingly well written!!

  2. A quick lay is easy to find, sex is easy, relationships is what is challenging. A man will go anywhere there is mindless fucking, it has nothing to do with feelings.

    I suspect things will change when and if you choose for it to change. Till then just play it safe.

    Have a great weekend

  3. Oooh. That was steamy.

    I've always wondered what it feels like for a woman to get slammed by a guy. Really. I mean, they make all the right noises, and squirm and writhe... but I wonder what it FEELS like. You make it sound damn good...

    I often think I'm glad I'm a guy but... maybe in some ways girls have it better :)

    You slept with four guys in one weekend?!