For the last week I've had fleeting thoughts dance through my head about what I wanted my next blog topic to be but nothing has been able to stick. I commonly speak of a passion I need in order to write. Something that fires up inside of me strong and hot to keep me compelled. Recently I've found myself climbing a rock... and I have reached the spot where not one of the damn foot-holes near me feels right or safe enough to move forward up the rock. But I also can't stay stationed in the middle of the rock panicked by the gamble of a wrong move. So, on I go.
My last week has been a mixture of so many things. It has included so many thoughts, so many feelings and emotions, topped off with a slew of insane activities. It all started with my ex serving me with divorce papers. Not .... here we are, this is the time, this is the place we call an end... but throwing things, torn, and broken across the living room - this is the end. All the love that ever once was... it was stomped out in anger and hate. Not saying that the love could ever go away, because I don't believe it is possible to turn off all the feeling you have ever had for a person. At least I know I can't. But this wasn't a good finish, a good end.
So that's where it started. A race to get through this week. With love, pain, anger, resentment, frustration, confusion, joy, memories, accomplishment, and sorrow all mixed together in big fucking bowl of alphabet soup.
And besides all the emotion I was already feeling there was all the normal day-to-day stuff. In other words... men. I will probably meet at least two new guys this weekend. I've already met one. I see things in them I would hold onto if given half the chance. But I think most of them have decided to live by the all too common, 'my life is too busy' manslogan of the fucking year! I guess my question is... too busy for what? ... life? Because that is what we are talking about here. And when they are old, gray, and starting to wrinkle... is that when life can begin? I am being harsh here, merely because I have heard this same lame statement from guys over and over. I wonder how it is they can find time for my lips but nothing more.
My life feels like a cluster-fuck. So, although I will rarely do this. I feel I have done my blog readers an injustice by writing with such a lack of focus. Let this video explain how I am feeling. And most of all... enjoy the happy awesome beat behind it all. She's a great artist.