Sunday, October 4, 2009

Trust Bashed? (continued from 'Why Did It?')

And now I know why I had that feeling it would turn into a one-night stand. I feel like someone just took the little trust I had left in males and beat the fuck out of it with an iron frying pan...

I was walking through the grocery store, minding my own business, wishing the incredible pain in my neck would go away and... I saw him. My gut impulse was to jump behind something to hide but I kept walking. The longer I looked... the more I noticed. The insanely large bag of dog food in his cart, you know, the one that resembles the size of a small to medium sized child. And it hit me... why would a soon-to-deploy soldier need so much dog food? And what's more... why would a man who doesn't have the Great Dane he dreams of having some day need it?

I instantly began to feel sick. I see him leaning over his cart to speak with someone in front of it. I peek around the aisle-end to see... her. Young, pretty, thin. I step up my pace to an extremely fast walk. If I were at the lake I'd resemeble one of those old women walking so fast her arms would look like they were reaching for the sky in an attempt to walk faster. I put my hand to the side of my face in an effort to hide. Why the fuck am I hiding??

I've done nothing wrong. I told him I didn't want to have sex. I have a very simple 'no involved men' rule. So not only did the events of last night occur despite my every hope that they not. I'm stuck in the grocery storee with a piece of shit guy who chose me to help him cheat.

Mankind is at an all-time new low. And worse, I think I let them. Now I will probably take on double the amount of cynicism and criticism when talking to new men. That way I will be treated even more like I'm a crazy bitch... just for trying to protect myself from this.

Had I been thinking, I would have walked up and said 'hello'. I should have made him uncomfortable. I should have ruined his entire world. Afterall, he is the stupid fuck that can't respect either of us enough or manage enough self-control to keep it in his pants. I'm tempted to text him... or call him. I don't know what I'd say. He has all the control. I should have stolen it in the middle of Wal-Mart.

Why do I allow them to bash my little remaining trust like this?


  1. DAMN BASTARD!!! I would want to see the look on his face if you would of walked up and said hello! That would of been priceless.

    If we have our guard up is bad and if we give our trust, we get fucked. What to do?

    I think you shouldn't call him. I have a feeling he might turn up again......

    But again, it's up to you, how you feel. Let me know what up. Take care sweetie. If you need to chat, hit me up at 20sb or my email. xo

  2. I'm sorry, that must be an awful thing to experience. You didn't know, how could you have known?
    I agree... don't text him or call him. Don't ever even respond if he contacts you. He doesn't deserve an explanation.

  3. ok, i'm wrong. i didn't know he was going out with someone else.

    i really hope you find one guy that would appreciate and respect you.

  4. lol this is not a funny story but i have to laugh. Just imagining you both in the store you playing hide but he is not seeking you.

    In life we all make mistake and we just have to learn from them and move on.

  5. How can you blame him for something you chose to do?

    I think that you're adorable and your writing style is compelling but you may want to re-think who's at fault here. The ultimate choice to copulate with this man, right up until the moment of penetration, was yours and yours alone.

    Given the opportunity to establish your Power, your Strength and Resolve, you gave in to the Demons that tempt us all. This is normal, as we all learn and gather Knowledge via trial-and-error.

    This man is not simply "an asshole". His role in your Life was to give you an Opportunity to try to effect the change you've been pursuing. You failed to take full advantage of that Opportunity.

    One day you will be Strong enough, Wise enough. For now, continue to work on what it is you truly Desire. Establish your Power over the flesh, and be ready when the next "Opportunity" comes along.

    You can do it.

    All Love,

    ~~ G

  6. I have to say... Brother Gee and Mr. Unbreakable... I think you are both utterly lost. Or maybe I was completely unclear. In any regard, the piece of shit cheated on his girl. And THAT, I do not support!! This post wasn't about anything I did wrong. He and he alone made that choice. Because had I known he was with someone I would have never agreed to see him.

    He's a piece of crap and clearly has no morals for himself. This is far too common with men my age. I really hope he falls in a sand pit in whatever country he is deploying to and can't escape, because that is what cheating is - A sand pit of stupidity where you CHOOSE to hurt those around you.

  7. aught!!! i Think i may have missed the point was just looking from the perspective that something happen hat which you did not. I am in no support of what he did especially he had a woman and maybe a child.

  8. Men can be pigs, it's a fact that we have all come to accept somehow. It doesn't give them the right to abuse it and further the stereotype, though. If you believe in karma, he's sure to have his coming for him sooner or later.

    PS. I love your blog. I'm aiming at making mine as blunt and brutally honest as yours.

  9. that sucks. you should have gone up to him and exposed him! that poor woman has no idea...

  10. Your words are real and speak truth to everyday life situations. I admire that.

    I figured he was a loser from the moment he had sex with you. A real man or gentleman would have had control to stop himself before things got serious like penetration or even before. Or even simply ask if you were feeling comfortable with sex since you already mentioned your intentions.

    It's hard from the other side because as guys we sometimes may think that women want sex all the time and other almost any circumstance like we may do.

    Though I am guy, I am however a very committed, loving gentleman.