What's your dream date he asks...
A: I don't really know. I guess I normally do whatever he wants to do.
B: I want to give you the best, so tell me what YOU want.
A: I guess dinner... followed by a walk by the lake, the chance to talk, get more comfortable with eachother... maybe head back to my place for a movie and the possibility of distraction.
B: I love it. All of it, sounds perfect for Saturday.
B: Yeah, except the dinner.
My heart sinks. It's all too common. Why do they ask? Why do I bother to answer? It is the same bullshit scenerio.
A: Oh... why is that?
B: My roommate's family is in town so I have plans for dinner.
I understand this. It is perfectly legit. It has nothing to do with me, it is not personal. So... I accept. We talk non-stop for the next three days leading up to our meeting. Not the... 'what is your favorite position' talks... more the 'what was your favorite subject in school' talks. It was comfortable and smooth.
But as the night draws closer on Saturday... I begin to feel it. I feel its going to be one of those. One of those 'one-night' events. I don't want that. Not one little bit am I interested in a one-night stand right now! I message him an hour before we are supposed to meet.
A: I don't think I can do this.
A: I'm not up for a one-night stand right now.
B: I never meant for it to be that. I want to see you again when I get back from deployement.
A: You do?
B: And I want to talk to you while I'm there.
B: Yes. Are we still on?
A: Yeah... ok. But I don't want to have sex.
I let him in the door and we stand and talk in my kitchen. He's sweet, just like on the phone. Our bodies get closer... and then within a minute we're kissing. My back is slammed against the fridge... his hands are up my shirt and our tongues are dancing. Magnets fall and scatter across the floor. He reaches into my shirt and peels my bra from my flesh and we spin across the kitchen. My back is slammed against the cupboard and he's reaching behind me clammering to clear a path on the countertop. He grabs me and he lifts me up onto the counter. It's intense and note-worthy. My fingers running through his short Army-boy hair as I nibble up his neck and ear. He fumbles with my jeans, my shirt, and the height difference. In desperation, he pulls me down and pushes me into my bedroom.
This is clearly not what I had in mind. And after we were both happily fucked and laying on the couch watching a movie it hit me even harder. This will be a one-night stand. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. This is what I asked him not to have happen. But he brought a velvet sachet full of condoms and a small vibrating toy. He knew exactly what he wanted to happen. It was all perfectly planned. And went accordingly. I didn't want this to happen...
So why did it?
I pulled away from laying beside him for the remainder of the movie. I meant nothing to him. This is all just an act. The same as all the others. My time... it means nothing, my body... it means nothing, our energy... it means nothing. So, why did I let it happen?!?